Gavin: A week in review

It's hard to believe that it has been 1 week and 1 day since my precious little Gavin had some life changing events take place.  For those of you who have been wondering what happened to my sweet little boy here is my week in review.

It was last Thursday (July 19th), an uneventful day, and one of the last few days of my maternity leave, so I was soaking up every bit of smiles with Gavin. That evening Jeff had to work until 9pm and Isabel had swimming lessons, so Gavin, Isabel and I headed to the gym where her lessons take place. I decided to drop Gavin off at the gym daycare so I could watch Isabel in her last swim lesson. It was 1/2 way through the swim lesson and one of the daycare staff members came to get me. She said she was having a hard time getting Gavin to stop crying and he was breathing kind of strange. I went into Kids Zone, picked up Gavin and he stopped crying immediately. I figured he was just tired and needed to be in familiar arms in order to fall asleep. We headed home, I put Gavin to bed about 8:30 and although he seemed fussy he fell asleep. Then at 1am he woke up very upset and I was not able to get him to take a bottle. He spent the rest of the night in my arms, neither of us getting any sleep. The morning came and I decided to call my mom to see if she could come pick up Isabel and take her to daycare because Gavin was so cranky. I had plans on calling the pediatrician as soon as 8am came. Instead of my mom showing up, my dad came to my front door. He took a look at Gavin and it was about 2 minutes and he said, "Beth I think we need to take Gavin to the emergency room". He was very calm, so I remained calm too. I proceeded to get Isabel in the car, and my dad said "let's not take her to daycare, lets just go straight to the ER". I started to worry. Then my dad says, "I'm just going to hold Gavin in my arms in the car". It was then that I knew my Dad was very worried for Gavin even though he remained very calm.

We made it to the ER at Avera and they swiftly brought Gavin back to a room. They ordered a chest xray immediately, a nebulizer treatment and wanted to start an IV. I think we all suspected that maybe Gavin had RSV,  of something respiratory. But, the chest xray came back and to our surprise they told us that Gavin's stomach was up in his left lung and had caused his lung to collapse. He was in respiratory distress because he was only using 1 lung to breath. The next moments were a blur and very chaotic. It included lots of attempts to start and IV, with no success, which only upset Gavin more and caused his breathing to become very difficult. At one point Jeff counted 15 nurses,doctors etc in the room and the Chaplin entered in the doorway. My heart sank and I tried to hold in my tears. I really thought we were going to lose him. They intubated Gavin in the ER and brought him up to the PICU where he lay almost lifeless awaiting surgery to pull down his stomach. It turns out Gavin has a congenital diaphragmatic hernia(CDH) that was very small during pregnancy and thus never showed up on an ultrasound prior to delivery. Most newborns diagnosed with CDH develop in utero with the stomach,kidney,spleen, or intestines in the lung cavity which is much more evident on an ultrasound. However, when that happens the organs don't develop as normal because they are all crammed in the lung cavity, and therefore the lung also fails to grow to normal size. So in Gavin's case we are very lucky that all his organs seem to have developed like "normal".

Surgery to repair the diaphragmatic hernia and pull the stomach back into place was a success thanks to a great surgeon and lots of prayers by all of you. Jeff and I finally had a sigh of relief, we thought we were in the clear. But after surgery the surgeon mentioned that along with CDH Gavin also has intestinal malrotation. This means (to the best of my knowledge), that his intestines do not sit like yours and mine, and are more likely to twist on itself. When this happens it cuts off blood supply to his intestines and they slowly start to die. The surgeon told me that we need to watch for vomiting as that is one of the first signs that his intestines my have twisted. Once that happens we have 6-8 hours to get Gavin into surgery for the best chance of saving all of intestines. I was sleep deprived and emotionally spent, and this news was too much to handle. For 11 weeks I thought I had a perfectly healthy baby and now I live with worry that we may be moments away from another emergency surgery.

Gavin is home now and has made an amazing recovery from his CDH surgery! I feel so blessed that so many parts of this experience have gone so well, but I can't help but have my moments of fear and negativity. In one week we will meet with the surgeon again, and I have LOADS of questions to ask him about treatment for intestinal malrotation. I'm not sure if another surgery will need to take place or not, but I am so anxious to get all my questions answered.  In the meantime, I am trying to live in the moment with a baby boy that is oh so very happy. I believe that fear creates worry, and worry creates negativity, and negativity only creates more negativity so I need strength to be positive.

So if you are reading this right now, I selfishly ask that you take a moment to send positivity, strength, and prayers my way. I need prayers for Gavin that he continues to recover and that he is not faced with any complications. I need prayers for me as a mother that I may find strength to let go of my worries yet still be proactive in finding what's best for my baby. Most of all give thanks for the care Gavin received, the knowledge to know what to look out for if complications were to arise, and the gift of life. Jeff said to me yesterday, "would you rather have worry, but not have Gavin, or not have anything to worry about, but not have this amazing little boy?" And Jeff as always was a voice of reason. My life changed forever when Gavin became my son and I am blessed forever!

It's been a blur....but this was my week in review. I also started work in the midst of all of this and after 12 weeks of being absent, I am having a difficult time adjusting to being away from my son. Grandma Kathy is taking amazing care of Gavin and it definitely makes me feel safe knowing that he is in exceptional hands. So with that, I want to end this post with a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has been there to pray for an support our family. I credit my dad for taking the first step in saving my son's life. My mom, Jeff's parents, my sister, and my sister in law for stepping up in amazing ways to not only care for Gavin, but also to take such good care of Isabel while Jeff and I were consumed by other things. And for the rest of my friends and family for offering your help, prayers and positive thoughts. You all are amazing, and I give thanks to each of you.

Remembering Megan

Many of you know who Megan Christopherson/Hoisington was. She was a friend to me and probably a friend to many of you too. So when her life tragically ended just 3 days after getting married, my heart was crushed. Megan's death probably hit me so hard because she was the first person close to me to die. I struggled for years....and I mean YEARS, on how to deal with or accept her passing. It wasn't until last year when I came across a youtube video that I finally got some closure. The video was made by a boy in high school who was suffering from a terrible heart condition. He told his story in words written on post cards. His story involved 3 near death experiences and what it felt like for him when they happened. One in particular happened while he was in school. He fell over in the hallway and remembered people rushing towards him. He writes that he left his body and was looking over himself as people worked on trying to revive him. The part of his story that hit me the most was when he said that his body went to a  big white place and the minute he entered that environment he felt overwhelming feelings of peace and happiness. On the card he wrote, " I felt so good, I did not ever want to leave". I remember reading those words and thinking, doesn't he know that he has a mother at home that would be crushed without him? Friends that will miss him? I thought how could he not want to go home to his friends and family. And then it hit me! This is where Megan is. She is in a place so much more wonderful than here on earth. She feels no pain, no sadness. And although I still miss her, I now truly believe that she is in a better place.

So as I cry tears of selfishness that she is not here with me, I realize that she is living a much better life in heaven.

So let me now take some time to reflect on all the things that made Megan so special to me.

* Megan could talk, and talk and talk! She spoke so fast on the phone with me that I often had no clue what she was telling me about and I would just agree, or say "no way" hoping that fit in with what she just said.

* Megan hated cotton balls. Wierd I know. She hated to touch them! I thought it was so strange that in college I would randomly mail her packages of cotton balls just to freak her out :)

* Megan liked getting her way :) who doesn't right? She would order around her highschool boyfriend when she broke her foot, yell at her brother for just about anything....and all I could do was shake my head and laugh at what she could get away with.

* And most importantly, Megan valued her friends and loved her family. She always seemed to yell "I love you" to her mom, dad and brother when leaving the house. She called me almost weekly when she lived in Colorado just to stay in touch!

I know Megan's mother still misses her dearly, so I want Dawn to know just how special Megan was to her elementary, high school, and college friends. She will be forever missed and one day we will all see her again. Until then, I believe that she is talking the ears off of all the other people in heaven!